how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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