I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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