Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You ruined the universe
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
