@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
