There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize