Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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