hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize