Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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