We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He better not be in your backpack
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
