If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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