it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FUCK WHALES
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