six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize