Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize