Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
...so i touched it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
