why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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