Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
