I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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