youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
