I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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