I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
MIDGETS
????
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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