Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
