i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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