My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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