Don't you send me to vm
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
