dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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