I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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