I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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