mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
