Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
