I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was CRYING into my vagina
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
