i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
