I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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