Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
