I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
