Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
