how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Someone shattered a urinal.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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