SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
