I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
