just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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