im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
