Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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