THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
