i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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