3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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