cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
