I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize