I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
