it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
