my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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