yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
