Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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