So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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