If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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