She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
