How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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