I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
