She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
