Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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