You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
