I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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