HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
