If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
