You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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