I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
