she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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