Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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