i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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