I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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